To My Dearest Boys On Their Fourth Birthday

I try and write a letter to my 4 boys each year on their birthdays. Letters to be read at a later date so we can all look back on what was going on in our lives at the time and so they know I loved them every day, even when I was cranky or tired. I don't share all of these letters, but periodically I like to. This one was written for my twin boys on there 4th birthday.

Dearest boys,

Today is an amazing day. Today I have had the incredibly stressful and wonderful pleasure of being your momma for 4 years. This little fact blows my mind. Some days it feels like many more years but most days it feels like I blinked my eyes and my sweet new born twin boys became my walking, talking, funny, opinionated, stubborn, smart, handsome 4 year old boys!

I will start this letter to you both, because despite what all the books say about giving you your own identity, there is so much of you that is united and blended and out of anyone's control. You have a connection that can't be ignored or explained. From your twin speak, conversations that you had and resolved which no one, not even me, your mother, could decipher, to your defense of each other, and your loving comfort to one another. You fight like brothers, but you love like a unit that brings tears to my eyes.

Some of my favorite memories of the past year are, the two of you sitting at the kitchen table with your breakfast, first thing in the morning, wearing your hooded animals blankets that Auntie Laurie gave to you. Sleepily eating your Cheerios. When either one of you quotes one of your favorite movies. Right now you both like to quote “The Croods.” “I call it the end. Dunt dunt dunnnnnn.” Always makes me smile. And how incredibly excited you get about the little things, like watching the snow fall, or getting to do something you deem a “big boy activity.” It reminds me to appreciate the little things too.

Now a bit to each of you.

Dear Bodhi,

Oh sweet boy, you are by far my most spirited child. You are always inquisitive. You want to take everything apart to investigate it closer. You also have the toughest time controlling your impulses. But no worries. I know you will figure it out soon. You have also broken more things then your 3 other brothers combined. I will expect some money for that when your engineering career is in full swing. I can't imagine you not having a job that involves your hands and figuring out puzzles of some kind. Mechanic maybe? Maybe a musician? Builder? IDK, but as long as you are happy, I will be happy. You still have the best giggle I have ever heard. It comes from deep within you and makes others around you laugh and giggle. You can be really good at sharing without being instructed to do so, and try and do it even when it upsets you to do it. We cut off all your long hair this year. It was really hard for me to see those blond curls go, but it was time. Some of your current favs in life are: Cartoon: Team Umizoomi. Favorite food: Pizza and apples, but you will eat pretty much anything and lots of it. Favorite color is pink, Favorite number is 4. You love your special pillow (also from Auntie Laurie) and the blanket grandma made you has to go on first every night. You love to sing, and do so often and loudly. You love to draw, and color and your favorite book, that we must read 5 times a day is the “Blob” book, as you call it. Better know as “Veggie Tails. The Case of the Lost Temper.” You love to dress yourself so you frequently have things on backwards or inside out. This does not bother you one bit. You also give big squeezy hugs and big smooshy kisses. You love to “help” me fold laundry (which you are better at then anyone else in the house, except mom. (don't tell your dad, but you fold better then him too), unload the dishwasher, sweep, vacuum, and get your own fruits and snacks. You are an independent man. ;) And you are lucky enough to have a mom who encourages that. She is really something don't you think?! ;)

My Dear Eli,

Such a great kid. You are kind, and smart, and sooooo talkative. You are a love bug. You would spend all day on my lap or snuggled next to dad if it was an option. You are a soft talker in a house of noise, so we are often asking you to repeat yourself. You are so sensitive. If you want to do something you know you shouldn't, you ask Bodhi to do it for you. (see above “smart” comment) You pee on the bathroom floor far more then anyone else. Your clean up job could use some work. But we will get there. :) You sometimes resort to whining to try and get your way. Mom is not impressed. But loves you just the same as your non-whining brothers. (sometimes Wyatt whines too. But that is between you and me. It's a kid thing. You'll both out grow it.) Your current loves: Maps. Holy cow do you love maps right now. I see a laminated map in your near future so you can color it a bunch of times. You love your stuffed animals. Mr Moo and a pink bunny found at Auntie Loie's house are among your favorites. They accompany you to bed every night, along with your special blanket made my Grandma, your pillow and hooded blanket from Auntie Laurie and as many more lovies and blankets as you can round up. You love when I sing to you, generally the same song. “Angels from Montgomery.” Your mom is so sick of that one right now, and would love if you found a new favorite anytime now. You love to dance, especially to rock songs. Your favorite food is strawberries. Favorite color is blue, Favorite number is 7. Favorite cartoon is anything involving super heroes. Your favorite book is a small book of walking paths in Portland. It's full of maps, so you carry it everywhere at the moment talking about certain maps you love and why. You give the best neck hugs and always kiss and hug me good morning. You are a mommas boy through and through. It is a rare treat if you let dad tuck you in at night. Only mom will do most nights.

So boys, that is a bit about who you were as 3 year olds. Things got easier for us all this year. Gates where removed, rooms where given access to. Mom even sneaked in a couple of quick showers leaving you unsupervised for a whole 5 minutes. It was pretty monumental for us all. ;) We are hoping the new year brings more milestones for our family. Maybe some camping? A car trip? Who knows. The possibilities are....well, ok, they are still pretty limited, but ever expanding. Thanks for being two of the best little 4 year olds on the planet! Thanks for all the love. Thanks for teaching me to let go of control and actually feeling good about it. I always tell people that if a control freak spent a week with my twin boys it would change them forever. You are an incredible lesson in that!! Thank you for always expanding my heart and mind. Thank you for you adventuresome spirits, for your deep, pure love, and for pooping in a toilet!! That is a biggy right there! ;) Here's to a great new year in the land of Being Four! I love you to the moon and back!!

Dearest Stranger At The Grocery Store

It was just your average grocery store trip. Well as average as a trip can be with two 3 year old boys who really hate to be stuck in a cart. When I grocery shop with the twins I generally have to put one of my little guys in the basket in the back because our grocery store doesn't have an double carts. As the cart starts to fill with groceries, the little guy who is become encased in produce and dried goods starts to become restless. The other little guy in the front seat part of the cart is starting to think it's rather unfair the his brother gets to “have” all of these wonderful packages and cans and peppers and apples. So I give him a bag so he can hold “his” produce on his lap. They are both chatting away at me, “Momma what's that?” “is that a tomato?” “Can I have an orange pepper.” I am so deep in my world of grocery list and interacting with toddlers and keeping them occupied that I didn't even notice your approach until you said “Excuse me Miss.” You didn't know that only moments before that, one of my boys managed to open a can of chicken noodle soup just enough to spill most of the broth on the grocery under him and onto the floor, causing me to have to find an employee so we could get a rag to clean up the mess before anyone slipped on it. You probably didn't hear me bribe those two cute little blond boys that “if they were good in the store they could pick something from “their” produce bag to eat in the car in the car on the way home.”

What you must of heard was one of those rare moments where I was having a fun, funny, and interesting conversation with 2 calm, seemingly well-behaved 3 year olds. When you walked over and said “Excuse me Miss, I just want you to know your children are going to be so smart. I've been a school teacher for over 30 years and the way you talk to your boys, well, it's just the right way. It's how I have always spoken to kids. It's just great!” Then you turned to my boys and said “Your Mommy is going to make you very smart.” Well, when you said that, it didn't matter if it was true, it didn't matter what you said really. The receiving the compliment, when I felt like things were getting pretty stressful, it made all the stress of shopping with my boys melt away. It made me forget how annoyed the store employee was when I asked for the rag to clean up Bodhi's mess. It made me forget the dirty looks I get when someone sees a child in the back of the cart, instead of the seat of the cart, even though it's my only option because that grocery store doesn't have 2 seater carts. It made me forget how stressful and embarrassing it can be to shop with my boys when the irritating and judging eyes of strangers fall on us as we shop. And that because one of my twins is the size of a 5 year old, that people assume he should have master volume control by now.

I just wanted to thank you dear stranger. You helped me get through one more day. You made me feel lighter. You made me feel proud of myself and my kids. You made all my worries of the day slip away and gave me that warm fuzzy feeling. A stranger. A simple 2 or 3 sentence compliment. Thank you.

On This Day 13 Years Ago

I put on a big white gown.

You looked so handsome in your tux.

The room was full of your family and my friends.

I walked down the isle with tears in my eyes.

When I saw you, you mirrored my tears.

We were glad the justice of the Peace kept it short.

You put a ring on my finger.

And I put one on yours.

We danced until midnight.

I was never so tired in my life.

It was the best party we have ever attended.

I loved you that day like I have never loved before.

I love you this day so much more.

13 years and 4 children later.

You are my life and my love.

The moon and the stars.

Thank you for loving me and saving me.

I will spend my life.

Trying to show you what you mean to me.

Happy Anniversary Dearest Husband.

A Recipe - Seafood Chowder

I don't usually blog about food. In fact this will be my first, but I figured it would be easier to share it on here then on Facebook. Now I love to cook, but I am not much for measuring, and I often substitute whatever I have on hand. So keep that in mind should you try and make this yummy chowder. All my measurements are "about" what I use. ;-) It's also pretty obvious I don't write recipes, so if I missed a step or a word something strange, feel free to ask. Thanks.

Seafood Chowder

2 1/2 to 3 lbs Red Potatoes

1 can clams, with juice

1/2 cooked shrimp (You could use uncooked too, just toss them in the pot a bit sooner.)

1/2 lbs lump crab meat

4 strips bacon, chopped

1 diced onion

3 stalks celery, chopped

1 medium to larger carrot, chopped

5 or 6 clovers of garlic, minced. (we love garlic, so you may want to do less if you don't love it)

1 box chicken stock

1 stick of butter

4 tbls flour

2/3 to 1 cup of milk (I use skim, because it's what we buy but you can use whatever you'd like, even cream or half & half if you're being really naughty. I mean, you're already putting a stick of butter in it, so you might as well go all out, right. ;-)

salt and pepper to taste

Tabasco or your favorite hot sauce to taste

1 tsp Italian Season

In a large pot start to brown your bacon, then toss in the onions, celery, carrots. Once onions are translucent add garlic and cook for another minute or so. Toss in a few dashes of hot sauce, if you like a bit of heat and salt, pepper, and other seasoning to taste. Pour the entire box of Chicken (or veggie stock would work well also. I prefer chicken) in pot. Cut potatoes into bit sized pieces, and add to stock. Bring to a boil and cook long enough for the potatoes to be al dente. I am guessing about 15 minutes.

While the potatoes cook, in a separate sauce pan, melt 1 stick of butter. Once melted sprinkle your flour in to the pan. Mix well, and cook on low heat for a bit, so you cook out the raw flour flavor. Then slowly add milk, a little at a time, whisking constantly. I add salt and pepper to this as well. You want a pretty thick Béchamel sauce, because you're going to pour it in the your chowder at the end, thus thickening it up and making it nice and creamy. When your Béchamel is nearly ready turn the heat to low.

Add all your seafood (including the juice from the can of clams) to your large pot. Cook only long enough to heat the meat. Then pour the Béchamel into your large pot. Combine well and serve. Sorry I don't have a photo. I never think to take them, and well, it was so yummy it was gone in one night. My boys can EAT!! ;-)

Dearest Wyatt, on Your Seventh Birthday

So I try and do this for my boys on their birthdays. I haven't managed to do one for every year, and some are to personal to share on my blog, but one day I hope to give them at least a small stack of letters when they are young men, and it's time for them to find their way in the world. This one is for my sweet Wyatt, on his seventh birthday. They are sometimes specific to what is going on in our lives and sometimes they are random. This one is a bit of both.

My dearest Wyatt. Today you turn seven. You are pretty excited about that fact. You get pretty excited about nearly anything these days. A few things about you. You are always trying to make us laugh. You grasp on humor will improve, I am sure, but currently you enjoy quoting cartoons to your dad and I and asking if what you have just quoted is funny. It's generally not, but I always answer you the same way. "Was it funny to you?" "Yes." "Then that is all that matters."

Your current interests are Mind Craft, video games, swimming with your mom or dad, hanging with your cousins, and any and everything your older brother is into.

You're going to be going into 1st grade this year. You're happy you get to walk home from school with Cohen and Reece, but not happy you will be in school all day. Sitting is not your favorite activity. You've learned a bunch in school this year. Your teacher really enjoyed having you in class, even though you asked to go to the bathroom 5 times every day. ;)

Some of my favorite things about you. Well you are so very polite, which you know is extremely important to me. You very rarely forget your manors and you are just a bad ass at showing appreciation for even the smallest things. I so hope you keep cultivating that quality. Your also a little love bug. You always remember to give your dad and I lots of love and hugs. It's pretty awesome.

A couple of things that I would love for you to work on. You fight with your older brother constantly. Yeah, that could stop any time. It would be great to see you grow closer to your younger brothers, but I know you will, so I am not worried about it. It would also be fab if you could clean up after yourself a bit better. Dishes in the sink, laundry in the hamper, bike not left in the yard, that kind of stuff. But again, we are working on it together, so I know you will have those skilled mastered, far before you read this letter.

Some mom advice for your future. I have a feeling you are going to be girl crazy far earlier then you need to be. Take your time with that. Be a very responsible boy, and don't be in a hurry. You want to grow up far to quickly, and no one will be able to convince you of this in your teen years, but it's the truth so I'm gonna say it anyway. Enjoy being a kid because it goes by in a flash. Don't rush life. Being a grown up is great. But being a kid can be just as great, if you stop long enough to enjoy it. But please do remember that just because you should enjoy your youth, that does not mean you shouldn't be responsible. Even now you can contribute great things to the world, even if they come in small packages. Keep being that kid who jumps up to help someone with something. Your "helpful spirit" is also a quality that should be cultivated. It's a beautiful thing to want to help others. It isn't natural for everyone (ie your big brother, but don't tell him I said that. ;)

I could be wrong about this one also, but I have a feeling out of all of you boys, you will be the one who will live here until your dad says it's time to move out. I am your mother so I would have happily kept you into your 30's, but dad is the boss, so any hurt feelings should be directed to him. ;)

You will know by now that your mom will do things that embarrass you. I will also have made rules you wont like, or feel are unfair. My intentions were always good. My rules were never arbitrary. They either served to keep you safe or teach you to be a functioning adult. I have always felt my job as your mom is to raise you and your brothers to go out into the world and be a contribution to it. Not a hindrance. Find a job you love (currently you want to be a pilot), or at least enjoy enough to do it your whole life, and work hard, but not to hard. Relaxation and work are both necessary to be happy and healthy.

One of the most important rules I try to follow in my life is "to treat others, as you wish to be treated." Following that one has always kept me happy, and makes me feel good about myself. I hope it makes you feel equally happy.

I hope the next year of your life is full of fun and adventure. Be safe, but not so safe you miss some wonderful opportunities. I love you like crazy dear Wyatt. Thank you for bringing me so much joy.

Mind Your Freakin' Manners

So I really try and teach my boys manners. They are super important to me. Doesn't mean they always remember their manners, but I figure if I stay on it for the next 18 years maybe they will be polite young men. I'm also really big on my boys treating ladies like ladies. The 'ladies first' mentality has changed some I think over the years. Party do to people just not having the manners that they should but I also think sometimes in our effort to strive for equality that some men are treading so carefully to treat woman equally they aren't really sure if a "Ladies first" is still PC. Well I can't speak for anyone but me, but I am a lady. I am feminine. I am soft hearted. I am very much different from a man so I truly appreciate being treated like I matter. Holding a door for me, offering to carry something heavy I may be struggling with, and pulling out my chair are all things that make me feel special.

Now the great thing about the world is that 'It takes all kinds'. Because it is important to me doesn't mean it is to the lady in front of me at the grocery store. And that is absolutely OK. But to the male of the species please don't assume we are all like the one lady in front of me in line. Your safer being polite to everyone. If someone gets bent because you held a door for them they are either having a crappy day or they are really grumpy in general. The thing is men, a small jester goes a long way. Besides the fact that your putting good Karma out there, your also increasing your chances of changing your life forever. I call this manners math. You may laugh, but this could be you. So your not married, or dating anyone. You headed into your local Target for a t-shirt and shaving cream and as you enter the store a woman twice your age, or a woman not your type, or a woman half your age etc, etc, etc approaches the store door at the same time as you. Because your not an ass, and your Momma raised you right you pull the door open and say "Ladies first." She thanks you and as she walks through the door makes eye contact with a very beautiful, same age-ish as you, totally your type girl who yells "Mom over here." Daughter (or sister or mother or whoever it may be) walks over to you and her mother and the rest could be history. Don't knock it. You really never know when your gonna meet Mrs Foreverafter. It could be that very moment and if you hadn't held the door you would have walk past the perfect woman, never having a chance to strike up a conversation, never even knowing you missed out big time.

This is also an extremely affective way to make your wife or girlfriend a very happy camper. I don't think men really understand what a small jester of thoughtfulness can do for the mother of their children. OK, maybe some do, but I'd say the percentage is small. It doesn't take much. When you know she pulled in the driveway with grocery, get your ass up and run out there and help her bring them in. Switch the laundry if your near the machine. Call on the way home from work and see if she needs anything from the store. You'll increase your chances of getting laid 10 fold.

So back to me teaching my boys to treat woman like the wonderful, amazing beings that they are. I'm home a lot with my kids. Going shopping or running errands with small boys is not a ton of fun. So since the twins don't go to school yet and socialize around other girls, they are stuck with Mom being 'the girl'. If we pass each other and one of us needs to move to the side I say "Can Momma go first please. Remember 'ladies first.'" If we are getting ready to leave the house I've taught the boys to stand to the side of the stairs so Mom can go down them first. (This actually has a few reasons I do it. Manners yes, but it also allows me to beat them to the car and get their doors open so they can climb in with out getting distracted and running off into the yard or road.) I always say ladies first please. So today as we were leaving the house My son Bodhi stood to the side and said proudly Ladies and Mommies first!" By the time he is grown maybe he will understand that Mommy is a lady too.

What I beleive to be true

You know how Oprah always said "What I know for sure...."? I remember thinking when I heard that there just wasn't much that any of us can really know for sure, right? I feel like in the last 12 years of my "adult" life that what I thought I knew, or believed or perceived has changed over and over. I think this is part of growing and trying to remain open minded. But at this time, about 10 or so days before my birthday, I want my kids to know what I believe to be true, important, and unimportant all at once. These are all just my perceptions mixed with my goofy humor. So here it goes..........

What I believe to be true is that life is fast, sometime difficult, sometimes depressing, but mostly rewarding. I believe that being a parent is the most mentally exhausting thing a person will ever do. I believe mistakes are inevitable, but it is never to late to apologizes when we make them. I believe that kids grow up WAY to fast and that for some reason so many parents seem to want to encourage this pace. Enjoy being a kid because like life, if you blink it will be over. I believe in free will. That all actions have consequences and some can follow you for the rest of your life, but 99% are complete reversible so be careful in your choices but don't let fear keep you from taking risks. I believe in humor. Laughter really is the best medicine. I believe in monogamy, and that intimacy should be between two completely committed people who love each other deeply. I realize this is an old fashion idea for most but I believe it safest for heart, mind and body. I believe in romance. I believe in never going to bed when your mad at someone and never allowing them to go to bed when they are mad at you. I believe dancing in your living room to good loud rock music can change your whole perspective. It's like vitamin D for the ears and sole!! I believe every child should go to bed in a warm home, with a full tummy feeling safe and loved no matter where in this great big world they were born!! I believe in possibility even though I sometime forget to believe in my own. I believe that great teachers save kids lives and deserve more of our appreciation, credit, and MONEY!!! I believe every rose does indeed have it's thorn, and every day has it's dawn but I'm not sure I believe that every cowboy sings a sad sad song.I believe dogs are better then cats (sorry to all my cat friends.) I believe football is better the baseball, summer, better then winter, but snow is better then rain. I believe it is very likely that I will always suck at proper punctuation, grammar and spelling but that most of my friends will love me despite this and read my weird blog post regardless. I believe that judging others is the greatest sin we can commit but it is also the easiest trap to fall into. I believe in the potential of my children. I believe I found true love, even when he leaves his dirty laundry on the bathroom floor or his used floss in the sofa table (that one really makes me crazy!! ;) I believe in an open heart, a giving spirit, and that we as humans have to stop looking at the worlds population like an accountant for a large corporation looks at employees. People are not numbers, and if you were looking at someone you knew, that you loved right in the face that needed your help in some small way could you really throw them out in the cold, hungry and with a armed gunman running around. Because that's what it feels like so many of us are doing. It's just easier because you don't have to look that human being in the face to tell them you sorry but you just don't care that much. I believe we can be better, we want to be better and we either will be or we wont be around much longer.

I realize this is all just the rants of a housewife with wicked insomnia, a wild imagination, and dreams of her children having a fulfilling, happy life but that sure wont shut me up any time soon!! Agree or not, I hope it will make you think about what is important to you. And this song has literally nothing to do with my above rants but I believe it to be awesome!!!